Smudge Cow dreams of mastering her golf game. The outfit is immaculate. the stance deliberate. the quiet murmur of focus before every swing almost professional. The follow-through. however. tends to involve a gentle lean against the golf cart and a contemplative stare into the distance.

Her approach could best be described as unhurried – a few swings. a few snacks. and a scenic tour of the fairway without ever quite finishing a round. Balls do occasionally disappear into ponds. but she maintains it’s all part of the strategy.